While I love the idea of writing your own vows, I understand why couples who have been largely excluded from the marriage arena for centuries would love to have a sense of tradition on their big day. However, the wording in traditional ceremonies can be heteronormative and ultimately problematic for same-sex or non-gender binary couples, but there are so many easy solutions for this issue!
“I now pronounce you husband and wife” can be swapped for “I now pronounce you partners for life!” – a substitute that can be adopted by heterosexual and cisgendered couples that are looking for an alternative to the traditional announcement.
The short answer is ANYTHING! That is the beauty of Weddings. I am a strong believer in actively resisting Wedding traditions that you don’t believe in. If you feel pressured to wear traditional bridal or groom wear, but that’s not your kind of thing, you should remember that it’s your day. You’re going to have to wear your clothes all day, and have it immortalised in photographs, so ultimately the only thing that matters is how you feel in them.
This is an issue that, quite sadly, is pervasive in same-sex weddings. It can often lead to couples feeling unloved or discouraged which isn’t something that I think is acceptable at weddings. If you are a same-sex couple who struggling to decide whether you should invite a family member or friend that has negative opinions of your union, then ask yourselves two things: firstly, are they a ‘must-have’ person?; and secondly, are they likely to cast a gloomy cloud over your day?
I suggest hosting an informal engagement dinner before sending out invites, and request that they come. If they do not, or are less than amazing and supportive at the dinner- don’t invite them. It’s your day and you shouldn’t be made to feel second rate.
Easy peasy: walk together.
The easiest way of finding LGBT+ friendly wedding venues and vendors is through word of mouth- ask any same-sex couples you know that have recently got wed about any suppliers or venues they recommend. Also, any good Wedding Planner or tasker can help you with a full list of recommended LGBT+ suppliers to help you get on your way!